Marie Attebery Baxter
1917 - 2013

Eulogy

Dorothy Marie Attebery Baxter was my mother. She grew up in what was then a backwoods rural farming community called Buncombe, Missouri, just a quarter-mile from the Arkansas-Missouri state line. She was the third of nine children with two older brothers. Up until the time she got married at the age of 19 Mom took care of her six younger brothers and one sister so that her mother could concentrate her efforts on cooking and cleaning.

She and Johnie E. Baxter got married on Christmas eve of 1936. He was just 16 years old and his father had to sign his consent on their marriage license for them to get married. But she didn't tell her own family about their wedding – which was performed by her Uncle Loren Hocking at his house just a few miles away (about half-way between Buncombe and Corning). Instead, that evening just before her little brothers and sister went off to bed she asked, "Do you know my name?" When she then revealed that they had gotten married earlier in the day the only reply her Dad, W.O. Attebery, gave was, "Well, I thought you had better be married with you sitting so close to him on the arm of his chair all night long!"

The second night after they were married was spent at his parent's house which still stands just over a small hill from the cemetery where she will be laid to rest beside of husband of 74 years in the Eaton Cemetery there in the Buncombe community. Their charivari, and that of his older brother and his new wife who were wed on the same day, took place there between that house and the house next door where his older sister and her husband lived. If we could have stood where her grave is located that night we would have easily heard the banging of pots and pans and firing of guns in the celebration held for them by the neighbors in their little farming community.

Shortly afterward they moved into a little two room log cabin that was on her father's second farm. It was located about a half-mile southeast of the Eaton Cemetery. On cold nights the water in her kettle on top of their little wood stove froze; and when it snowed it sifted in between the wood shingles and down onto their bed covers. They had three chairs — one for each of them plus one for any visitor that might come to see them.

Dad worked clearing some of the land just outside their cabin door that first winter in return for their food supply. And the next spring they planted sweet corn in that new ground field. They harvested that corn and sold it door-to-door in Poplar Bluff — a town about 20 miles away. Many years later I was privileged to help farm that same piece of ground growing cantaloupes and sat in the shade of the big oak trees growing around that little log cabin.

For the first 15 years of her life after her marriage she worked side by side with her husband taking care of livestock and other farm chores, and then driving a gravel truck after they moved to town. It was during this time that their first son was stillborn ... and was buried in an unmarked grave in the Eaton Cemetery.

She didn't get a wedding ring until she had been married for 10 years … and then a six year old nephew — David Blaylock — gave away her surprise when he told her about a "really heavy" gift from her husband under the family Christmas tree.

And then they sold all their farming equipment and took off on a two month long honeymoon visiting a Christian college in Texas, a sister-in-law and her family in Arizona, his cousins family in the productive farms of the Imperial Valley, the giant California sequoias, through the snow in the high Rocky Mountains of Colorado, and then back "home" which then became the town of Corning, Arkansas.

Finally, when everyone thought they would remain childless, a son was born, myself, Roger Baxter, and Mom became a full time housewife and mother. While she was probably proud of my early childhood accomplishments, she has said that she was disappointed that I acted so independent of her loving care.

Becoming a part of the post World War II trend, her young family pulled up stakes and moved north to the booming industrial city of Rockford, Illionois. She took the deep snow drifts of winter and big city life in stride, but usually took the city bus when shopping downtown to avoid parallel parking on crowded streets in heavy traffic — instead she drove herself a few blocks to another neighborhood to catch the most direct bus to downtown. And starting at three years of age there, I was with her every step of the way.

Moving from one new house to another became the normal routine of her life. For most of their lives together about every two to five years Dad would build another new house and they would move to it and sell their "old" one. She never knew what it is like when your 20 year old water heater develops a leak, or your roof needs to be replaced. And in most cases each new house was an improvement from the last one. It was often joked that when the cabinets in the bathroom were finally finished it was the sign that a new house would soon be started.

At about the mid point of their roughly 5 year first stay in Rockford her second child, her daughter, Janice Elaine Baxter, was born. Mom spent months preparing her 7 year old son for the introduction of this new sibling while her husband worked a late night shift in the factory and built their next home during the day. It was during this time that she told me the stories of their early years in the little log cabin, their honeymoon trip, about a mule named "Red" and a dog named "Happy" ... and many more.

Her baby daughter became so attached to Mom that absolutely no one could keep her while Mom went to the store ... and so they seldom parted. Janice was nearly ready to start school at Naylor, Missouri, when she finally was able to stay overnight with her grandparents who lived just 12 miles away in Corning, Arkansas.

When Dad thought it best to not raise kids in the city, she readily moved back to a farm near Naylor. And after 6 years in their new home there, she moved back to Rockford where he could find inside work for the winter (after he cut two fingers in a woodworking accident while building a house for the Nall family in Naylor).

That winter became a year and the next summer brought a move to another house. Another 6 years brought another new house where they lived over 12 years — the longest ever in one house! While living there her son graduated from college and her daughter from high school and college. Between the high school graduations of her two children both Mom and Dad returned to school and got their GED certificates.

When years of work became years of "retirement" they moved back "home" to another new home in Naylor. And then the introduction of a grand child — Adam Ossola — drew her to his side back in the middle of Illinois on the edge of the snow belt where some of the ground is not seen at all during the cold winter months. But snow and cold were never an obstacle to Mom — she either braved the elements ... or stayed inside just as content as she could be. Years later she said those were "the best years of my life." Watching from near or far Mom relived her earlier days and frequently called her grandchildren by the names of her own children.

Mom seldom visited a doctor and enjoyed much better than average health most of her life. She survived a bout with colon cancer and suffered through the pain of shingles. Although bothered by a sore knee from the time she was in her mid 40's, she still got around reasonably well into her 90's.

Her greatest, longest lasting health issue was due to hereditary extremely high cholesterol causing micro-strokes in her brain which slowly over a period of decades eroded her ability to maintain her balance, capacity for logical connected thought, her hearing and understanding of the spoken word.

She loved to play family games and patiently "baby" played with me as I was growing up — games like Old Maids (where I would cry if left with that ugly woman's face in my hand), or Checkers (until I was able to routinely beat her), and, probably her enduring favorite, Dominoes.

She got satisfaction in her ability to bargain to get the best deal for herself and her family.

She took pride in her sewing abilities. She sewed for her younger siblings before she married, made many of her own clothes, and altered nearly everything she bought ready made ... even into her 90's. She made her own wedding dress and her dress for her children's weddings. She even taught me how to sew as well as how to cook basic foods, how to clean, and even how to wash and iron my own clothes — though I was terribly slow.

My mother taught me to love to read and to love a good book. She would read to me practically every night until I was able to read for myself. Then for many years I read at least a book a week until college's required reading took up all my time.

Mom was a dedicated Bible reader. Nearly every year of her life she read the Bible through from cover to cover without fail.

While she had a fairly good voice, she only reluctantly would agree to join ad hoc singing groups put together by Dad either at church or for pleasure at home. For as long as I can remember she kept a radio playing in the background for many years — probably until her loss of hearing turned it into background noise. Right now I would like for us to listen to a recording made during the winter of 1968-69 in our family dining room — where our piano was located — when a group of friends came over one evening after church to sing a few songs just for the joy of singing. Those singing are my Dad, Johnie Baxter singing bass, Dave Matson singing tenor, Vidae Crosser singing the high soprano, and I'm sorry that I don't recall the name of the alto nor the piano player. I know that Mom was there with everyone and, even though she was shy around my tape recorder, I think that in a few places I can faintly detect her voice singing a second soprano part in this particular recording. Listen now as they sing ... Looking and Longing for Jesus.

She was a good, safe, and careful driver. But even though she always passed with ease, she hated, more than anything, taking a driver's license road exam which was sometimes required when moving from one state to another.

Mom was a good cook and clean housekeeper. She would always point out the dishes that she brought to church socials and encourage us to eat from those. We never went hungry — meals were always on time and we always ate together as a family. Her dishes were the classics of home cooking with simple seasoning and few exotic or experimental recipes.

Likewise, she kept her family dressed nicely in neat, clean, and ironed clothes. Except for things like pajamas she mainly sewed for herself and my sister. Dad's and my clothes were mostly store bought.

Similarly, she always claimed that it was because of my Dad's financial conservativeness that certain things could not be done. But after he was no longer around that same level of conservation still was in effect ... or maybe even more so.

Marie Attebery Baxter never achieved fame, nor notoriety, but instead lead a quiet, contented life, blessed with nearly 75 years of marriage, two competent and productive children, two grandchildren with great promise, and a great-granddaughter.

She was always a good neighbor and was loved by many neighborhood children and pets ... and even a wild squirrel or two. I have been astounded by the numerous cards and letters that have continued to arrive in her mailbox years and years after she moved on to new locations ... and even after she was no longer able to reply. And now living in the era of Internet based social media I have been surprised by the number of people from out of the past — even several that I do not know — who have commented on her passing with mentions of fond memories of their time knowing her.

Mom was loved by many and appreciated by all that knew her. We will all miss her. Thank you for being here with us today.

And now, as I sit down, I would like for us to listen to a song that I think probably expresses her feelings the last few hours of her life ... Going Home.

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Roger Baxter
497 Shem Ct SE
Bolivia, North Carolina 28422 USA